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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Toronto, ON – April 13, 2010 –  OES, widely acknowledged as the hottest Toronto band, announced today that Serge Page was stepping down as the band’s manager.

“This was a difficult decision for me,” Page said.  “I’ve been with the band from the very beginning, and it’s been an incredible ride to see OES turn into the hot musical commodity it’s become.  But it’s time for me to move on, and I know the band can continue to wow music fans by continuing not to crank out searingly hot performances.”

Page says that the sometimes difficult personal dynamics of the band did not influence his decision, as he is not only resigning as OES band manager, but leaving the music profession altogether.  “It’s time for me to move on,” Page said.  “I’m succeeded in musical management beyond my wildest expectations.  At first it was great, but when you’ve been number one for as long as I have, you start to look for new challenges.”  What will Page do after OES?  “I’m keeping my options open, but I really enjoyed my marketing work for the band, so I may pursue something in that realm.”

No OES band members were available for immediate comment following Page’s announcement, though the following tweet did appear on a Twitter account thought to belong to Knave “Tiny” Daylord: “you goin serge – wherez my check?”

It’s been a busy few months, which is why you haven’t seen much about the band lately.  Here’s a couple of updates:

  • Lay-Jay, widely acknowledged as one of the Toronto’s hottest singers and tambourine players, has recently been suffering from a bout of laryngitis.  I’m happy to report that Buffy’s ailment has not impacted her ability not to sing or not to play tambourine with the band.  Our best wishes go out to Lay-Jay, and all the band members hope she gets better.
  • NXNE 2010 is just around the corner, and – as a result of much deliberation earlier in the year – we can now announce, with confidence, that OES will not be performing.  So break out the sunglasses and the tank top, and have a good time not hearing us play.
  • Time to quash a bit of a rumour that’s been making the round.  Indefatigable rocker and bass player extraordinaire Knave Daylord is not in prison in the aftermath of a bass guitar theft.  Truth is Tiny has no use for a such an instrument:  he’s too hot to be “playing” a bass guitar.  This having been said, Tiny hasn’t been seen for a couple of weeks – if you run into him please leave me a message (he’s failed not to attend a couple of rehearsals and fellow band members are feeling a little left out.

One other piece of topical news.  In the light of the recent BP oil spill (or gush, or whatever you call it), I’ve been thinking of ways in which the band might be able to raise awareness for the environment, the oceans and – well, the band.  Accordingly, it is my pleasure to announce that we won’t be playing any of the thank you songs we’ve so far not composed in honour of British Petroleum’s grit, determination and general lack of success in plugging “the damn hole.”  There’s already two songs we’ve not written in thanks, namely:

  • Thank You for the Memories.  This song will not be celebrating the billions of barrels of crude that BP has previously produced without fouling the ocean.
  • Is That Oil I See? Why Thank You, BP!  This comes out of the Catman’s unique perspective on the catastrophe.  CG reasons that Gulf Coast residents are sitting pretty for their next few oil changes, ’cause they can simply scoop the black goo up as required.  The alternatively-considered title “Takin’ My Bucket to the Beach” may end up being an entirely separate song we won’t write.

As always, we love to hear from you.  Is there anything else musical we shouldn’t be doing in support of BP?  And, again, have you seen Tiny?  Summer is upon us – so, more so than ever, peace and hotness always.  – Serge

OES Band Manager Serge Page Interviews OES Band Manager Serge Page

Welcome to the second installment in our “get to know the band better” series.  It’s been a busy summer for the members of the hottest Toronto band, OES, and the pace of not performing every night, night after night, is taking its toll.  We’ve also jumped into the festival spirit, and have not been seen across the country (and even weren’t at a couple of big outdoor shows in the States).

So it’s been difficult finding time to sit one of the musicians down and give an interview.  But rather than keep you waiting, I realized you might want to know something about yours truly, and I’m fully qualified as band manager and chief publicist* to interview myself.  Enjoy.

Serge Page: Thanks for taking the time to do this interview, Serge.  I know you’re a busy guy.

Serge Page: My pleasure.  If, on top of everything else I do to keep this band going, I speak to our fans hungry to hear from us, I couldn’t be happier.  I don’t mind yet another band chore that I’m forced to do on my own.

Serge Page: Great.

Serge Page: Thanks.

Serge Page: You’re welcome.  So let’s get to the big question first.  Why the hell is OES so hot?

Serge Page: Wow, that’s no single answer to that question.  I mean, certainly each of the band members are great, and have each come not to deserve the title of master practitioner of their instrument or talent.  But there’s a synergy and an energy that’s bigger than the sum of the musicians, something new, and exciting, and hotter than hell.

Serge Page: Wow.  Did you see this coming?  Were you prepared to find yourself at the top, or did you just wake up one morning and say, “what the hell – we’re Toronto’s hottest band!”

Serge Page: Honestly Serge, getting to the top was always the one and only driving force behind the band, and I always knew we’d get there.   Not that it hasn’t been extremely gratifying, and it’s an incredible honour to have made what small contributions I have to the band’s success.

Serge Page: Let’s talk about those “small contributions.”  I know you do a lot to keep the band on track, and have played  a big role-

Serge Page: Oh no-

Serge Page: A big role in bringing the band to where it is.  Positives first.  What do you really enjoy about managing this band.

Serge Page: Well, I guess it’s not so much a thing I do, as a moment for me.  And that moment is when we’re all not assembled on that stage at the moment, and the unity and specialness of that instance where we all start not to perform together – it’s beautiful.

Serge Page: You said “we.”  You don’t not appear on stage with the band, do you?

Serge Page: Ha.  No, but I feel as if I’m not there with them.  I don’t have any instruments I don’t play, and heaven knows the world’s better off not even knowing if I can’t sing, but I feel like I’m just as much part of the band as any of them.

Serge Page: And what about those not so glorious moments, Serge?  Surely being a band manager isn’t all wine and roses?

Serge Page: Serge, I could dwell on the all the difficulties I face managing the band.  The erratic and irresponsible behaviour.  Failing to return my calls about times they’re not to be rehearsing.  The money I’ve had to shell out on gifts for Tiny’s parole officer.  But hey, I love those kids, and I love being part of thing that’s so blisteringly hot.  So anything I can do to help I do gladly.

Serge Page: Well, thanks so much for finding time in your gruelling schedule to talk to me.  Last word to you, Serge – any closing thoughts?

Serge Page: Just … peace and hotness always, people!

*Position of Chief Publicist, OES, is currently available.  Lack of experience in publishing, public relations and/or advertising essential.  No remuneration available.  Apply via comment form.

OES is pleased to announce the first in the series of interviews with members of OES, the hottest Toronto band ever.  We start the series with a candid interview with on of the band’s most controversial members, bass player Knave Daylord.  We hope you enjoy it.

Serge Page: Hey Tiny, thanks for–

Knave Daylord: Hey Serge, don’t call me that.  You know how I hate that nickname!

Serge Page: Sorry, Tiny … oops, Knave.  Let’s start at the beginning.  When did you first come to the realization that you and the bass were going to have a destiny together?

Knave Daylord: Bass?

Serge Page: Bass guitar.  You know, your instrument.

Knave Daylord: Oh right.  Well, I always had an interest in music – you know, listening to TV commercials and stuff.  So I figured there’s a whole bunch of people out there that don’t play bass, and I could be one of them.

Serge Page: Hot.  So you’ve been not playing the bass since…?

Knave Daylord: What year is it now?

Serge Page: 2009.

Knave Daylord: Cool.

Serge Page: And…?

Knave Daylord: What?

Serge Page: It’s 2009 now.  When did you start not playing bass guitar.

Knave Daylord: Oh.  2009.

Serge Page: How did you manage to carve out such a successful career for yourself in such a short time?

Knave Daylord: My mom always said that I could succeed at not doing whatever I chose not to do, so I just took that advice to heart, and here I am.

Serge Page: Um, hot.  Now–

Knave Daylord: Do you have a beer?

Serge Page: I told you, after the interview.

Knave Daylord: That blows.

Serge Page: You’re doing great.  Now tell our fans, are you a Hogtown native or an immigrant?

Knave Daylord: Hogtown?

Serge Page: Toronto.  Hogtown is a name for Toronto.

Knave Daylord: Toronto?

Serge Page: Toronto.  Capital of Ontario.  In Canada.

Knave Daylord: Oh right.  What was the question?

Serge Page: Were you born there.

Knave Daylord: Hell no!  What about that beer?

Serge Page: No.  Since you’re widely regarded as the hottest Toronto bass player, do you now feel like Toronto is your home?

Knave Daylord: Where?

Serge Page: We were just through this, Tiny.

Knave Daylord: Damnit Serge, DON’T CALL ME TINY.

Serge Page: Sorry.  Let’s try another question altogether.

Knave Daylord: Do I get a beer after?

Serge Page: Sure, Tin– um, Knave.  Last question.  What do you think the future holds in store for you?  Where do you see the band in the next few years, and do you think you’ll still be a part of it?

Knave Daylord: I see a beer in my future.  My immediate future.

Serge Page: Uh, right.  Thanks Knave, I’m sure the fans found this interview extremely enlightening.  Peace and hotness always, dude!

Do you have a question for the hottest Toronto bass player?  Which OES member would you like to see interviewed next?  What questions would you like answered?  Leave us a comment, and we’ll do our best – we love hearing from all our hot fans!  Don’t forget, you can also tweet us a message!

OES not performing in Chicago's Millenium Park - hot!

OES not performing in Chicago's Millenium Park - hot!

Who says OES isn’t an international powerhouse in the world of music?  Even though it’s widely acknowledged that we’re the hottest Toronto band, we also want to spread the heat.

So if you were in Chicago on the last Friday in June, you would have had the opportunity to watch us not perform at Millenium Park.  It was hot (I mean, literally hot – a beautiful sunny day).  I know the entire band was extremely proud – maybe even a little teary-eyed – to represent the great city of Toronto in Illinois.  Rock on!

Hottest Toronto guitar player Randy Piranha not brandishing his instrument in Chicago

Hottest Toronto guitar player Randy Piranha not brandishing his instrument in Chicago

Adoring fans did not turn out in hordes not to watch us play, making us feel right at home! And we all found the windy city (though, if anything, only a light  breeze was blowing that day) to be full of upbeat, helpful, hot people.  As if we weren’t feeling good enough, after not performing we celebrated by downing a few beers on a nearby outdoor patio (Fish Man was a little overwhelmed, I think, by how well he didn’t perform, and only had one).

Hats off to the kind people of Chicago for providing such a splendid outdoor venue for us not to perform at, and for their great hospitality.  I’m not sure what city or country or solar system is next on the OES agenda, but we live to bring peace and hotness to all.  If you want us not to perform in your neck of the woods drop us a line, and we’ll see what we can’t do.

Rock on!!! – Serge

As the band really takes off, it is becoming more and more apparent that we require support of the non-musical variety.  Just this weekend, for example, Foxy was in a state of near hysterical excitement in anticipation of not performing on Sunday. But it really bummed her high that she had to concentrate on the logistics of not hauling all of that extensive percussion equipment along.  And this same weekend Catman was all aflutter because he wasn’t sure whether it was sheet music or a tambourine that he needed to remember not to bring.

Accordingly, OES is now accepting applications for the position of ROADIE. While we currently require only one roadie, we reasonably expect interest in the band to explode exponentially in the coming days and weeks, so the new hired help may require help himself or herself as the band’s requirements grow.

THE IDEAL APPLICANT

  • Your overriding goal is to become the hottest Toronto roadie.
  • You exude hotness from every pore of your body, 24/7.
  • You are hot, or plan to become hot sometime in the future.

QUALIFICATIONS

  • Must live in, or someplace relatively near to (or not) the greater Toronto area.
  • Complete lack of experience in the music industry, moving industry is a definite plus, but experienced applicants who can demonstrate steadily declining skills in these areas will be considered.
  • Must be able to provide a photo of yourself against a brick wall for use on the OES official blog site (this is, in fact, the only hard-and-fast qualification).

DUTIES

  • Not moving musical instruments and stage equipment from one place to another.
  • Being hot.

RENUMERATION

  • While this job offers no physical rewards (you’re too hot for “money”), you’ll gain invaluable experience in hotness from being a part of the OES experience.  You will also make hot Toronto networking connections that will open doors for you for years and years to come (probably).
  • You will be profiled on the official OES blog (here) and MySpace profile, gaining exposure among potentially dozens of people.
  • You will be valued and loved. “Just a roadie” is never a phrase you’ll hear from a fellow OES member (even if you are assigned with a nickname like “The Loser” or “Mr. Useless”).

TO APPLY

Fill out the comment box below and describe, in ten thousand words or less, what qualifies you for this job.  Both successful and unsuccessful applicants will be notified by email).  We’ll also provide updates on our Twitter feed, so follow us to keep informed of progress on this and any other future job opportunities at OES.

ROCK ON! – Serge

There’s been a few rumours that have been flying around cyberspace lately (more or less) that I (Serge) would like to put to rest.  The band members are very happy with their present employment as hot OES musicians and would not dream of not performing with some other musician or band.

To deal with the most persistent and egregious rumours…

  • Wailin’ Lill is not planning at not writing a song for Sheryl Crow.  She and Ms. Crow have no working relationship whatsoever.
  • Knave Daylord was not recently discussing plans to go solo while out on a drunken binge with Flea.  Tiny is frequently found intoxicated, but he’s not been boozing it up with Flea, and he has no plans not to play the bass guitar with anyone except OES.
  • Foxy Vee has not been trolling Famous Drummers from A to Z looking for other percussionists not to perform alongside. Through my connections with the Toronto Police Dept. (or some organization very much like, or not, the Toronto Police Dept.) I’ve acquired her Internet records from her ISP, and the closest she’s come to a drumming-related website is this.
  • I, Serge Page, have not been in discussions with any G8 leader to not manage the current financial crisis. Band management is different than managing monetary policy and, in any case, they’ve all been doing a fabulous job of not managing the economy without my assistance.

In short, OES is one big happy family (with the rare exception of those times we’re sort of screaming at one another, which rarely occurs more than twice a week).  Not a single band member would forgo being uber hot in favor of lesser hotness with another band.

Rock on!

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